so the results of my sleep issues came back and I have moderate sleep apnea,  while sleeping I stop breathing 21 times an hour,  going on Wednesday to buy a C Path, it’s like a mask  that I will wear at night that will open my airway when it closes, can’t wait to share my snap with a freaking mask on my face!! 

They said it will help with my weight loss, as I get better sleep my energy level will go up and my cravings for sugar and carbs will come down
Seeeeeee
It’s all the lack of sleep making me eat the pineapple dessert 

My aunt made this delicious pineapple dessert and I had 2 helpings I couldn’t resist

Not just dessert but I think I had 6 meals in the day
A part of me is whispering self sabotage…..
What am I avoiding feeling?
Am I avoiding feeling anything?
What was different about today compared to other days?

I was sitting with a family friend whom I met after many years and I was telling him how much I missed my mom and kids here in London, as the words came out I realised how true it was, London is just half the fun without them, I really do miss them
Could be missing them made me eat…. don’t have a definite answer but it would be nice to go back to the conscious way of eating I have been sticking to this week ❤

I have increased my Fitbit target to 10000 steps a day from 8000, my uncle told me that’s the bare minimum, if one wants to lose weight it should be 15000 – 20000
Well in Mumbai that means me daily one hour walk now is a must !!
My cousin mentioned that even if every hour I did 10 jumping jacks it would go a long way to boost my metabolism
Hmmm
Not happening…..

Yesterday I was at Marks and ate a jacket potato  with baked beans and cheese 
That’s one of my favourite dishes to cook in London for my mom and kids, eating it took me back to some fond memories   I miss having my family here with me

Today I had lunch with my journey friends Judy and Harshini, their advice is that I must think to myself, “I am shedding my weight, not losing it”, the change in words make a big difference. Losing the weight implies a loss of something valued, so your body will try and gain it back
So I am going to shed 6 kgs

Judy and I attended the Stop the Food Fight program together 3 years ago, and she went for the last 2 years as well, she looks great, she looks like she’s really taken charge of her food, she weighs herself everyday and observes what works and what doesn’t work for her, and I think that is amazing

One thing I have noticed if I stay up at night I end up eating
I slept at midnight and ended up eating olives and cheese 

If I could force myself to sleep on time, not only would I have more energy the next day, but I would weigh much lighter⁠⁠⁠⁠ too!! If I could get myself to sleep on time, not force myself, it’s the words, they make all the difference.

In the past I have eaten for all the wrong reasons, I was unhappy in my marriage and I filled the lack of love I felt with food.  Now I am trying to go back to healthy habits, back to a more conscious way of eating and in order to do that, my being is revisiting emotions of the past, small snippets of my life, and my emotions are coming out, it’s like my body is slowly releasing the pain of my past.

Some of the weight on my body, I feel, is all the pain I have felt or not wanted to feel and It’s time to feel it and let it go with my love and my blessings and my gratitude
I wanna thank my weight, my fat, my bulges, for protecting me for covering me from pain, it’s time now to leave me
I release you

I find myself crying watching Suits on Netflix when family scenes come up.
I miss my family, I had to break up mine and anyone who knows me knows that I am all about family, I am spending the night tonight with my cousin on my dads side, she admired my dad and I admire her , every year I spend one night with her family when I come to London, it’s become my tradition

And honestly I look ridiculous right now
I’m overweight I don’t know the moves though my teacher says that has nothing to do with it

But to me it does
If I don’t look good I don’t feel good, I did about 5 6 classes before I came to London and each time I found out what clothes suit me more, once I wore 3/4th track pants noooooo I have big calves so it just looks awkward, full track pants looked much better

So I looked online and found these amazing Bollywood type skirts that I’m thinking I could dance in with my hip belt

I’m the biggest one in size in the class and I believe it will motivate me to lose weight, cause I just love an audience and one needs a flatish belly to belly dance and my belly is anything but flat

I’m in the bus and it started raining and I never carried a umbrella now aah the rain stopped how I love London weather

Today I registered to get myself tested for sleep apnea, I didn’t know that sleep apnea can cause breathlessness and weight gain, they are gonna send me a kit, like a watch and a sensor to monitor my sleep for the next two nights

Taking a break from my day to day work has helped me to focus on my health, to take the time to think about what I really wanna do in life and I must say one of the things I wanna do is keep writing

I am so enjoying it !!    

I have barely reached half my target steps of 8000 today, it’s almost 8 in the evening and I do not have the energy to go for a hour long walk.

It does all make sense now – if you don’t get enough sleep, your body doesn’t get enough oxygen, if it doesn’t get enough oxygen, it gets lethargic during the day and you don’t have the energy to do what it takes to lose weight

When was the last time you had a full body check up?